WHEN GOD IS THE ONE ASKING WHY

Christie G

Why. One little word—three little letters—but it can lead to a simple answer or something more complicated. When we're trying to understand something logical, asking "why" feels easy. But when emotions or personal struggles are involved, that single question can open a whole can of worms we never expected. Sometimes, we might avoid asking "why" because we’re afraid of what we’ll find beneath the surface. Or, we can lean in and take the short-term painful path to achieve long-term fruitful gain. I know firsthand how asking "why" can lead you to discover hidden struggles or spark real growth. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s often the first step toward healing and understanding.

But what happens when God is the one asking you, why?

I was more of a shy child growing up, painfully shy to be exact. I would be afraid to ask why for the fear of sounding stupid. As I grew it wasn’t until late teenage years that I started to become more comfortable with asking questions. Turns out when you ask questions, you realize other people have the same questions too. Into adulthood, asking questions is what launched my growth in The Lord and eventually gave me more confidence once those questions led to theological answers which led to personal revelations. Then one day, God Himself stopped me dead in my tracks.

But first a little back story.

At age 22 my chronic illness journey began with two autoimmune disorders. At first it was bad. By age 27 I was very ill and very lost in life. Jesus met me here, helped me realize I didn’t need to, and couldn’t do it on my own. After becoming a believer, I’d love to say I was physically healed and life was perfect. But it was far from it. Through ups and downs which eventually led to a cancer diagnosis, I was treated by every type of doctor imaginable and simultaneously seeking after The Lord to heal me. I received prayers, elders anointed me, I walked through deliverance. You name it, I did it. If you know the story of the woman with the issue of blood, I was her. I had short seasons where I’d find relief but eventually everything would crash again. Constantly praying for God to heal me, tell me what to do, who I needed to see, what changes I needed to make until one day in the summer of 2023, sitting on my patio, soaking in the warmth of the sun and spending time with God, I felt it clear as day. He says that three letter word to me. 

“Why?”

“Why do you want Me to heal you?”

The shock to my heart that day, I even laughed! “What do you mean why God?! Really? I don’t know because I don’t want to be sick anymore?!”

And then silence. Silence that spoke volumes. I sat back and instantly my memories of every difficult time flashed before me, but each memory was different this time. I didn’t just see my health crumbling, I didn’t just see the countless blank stares from doctors, or the physical pain I endured and tried to hide out of desperation of just being “normal”. This time I saw every prayer I prayed when I was in pain. I saw myself sprinting to God each time something horrible would happen. I saw myself pursuing God amid fear trying to consume me. I saw Jesus holding me as I cried, walking next to me down each hallway of every doctor appointment, sitting next to me every time I had overwhelming feelings of being held captive in my own body.

I didn’t see anything the same way anymore. All I saw was HIM.

I started to then ask myself if I even knew the God I was serving. I knew about Him, but did I actually know Him? The next year was my journey to stop focusing on what God could do for me, and began to get to know Him, His character, His heart. I was growing in intimacy with Him for the first time in my life. I read His Word differently, I saw His Son on every page of the Bible, I began to pray differently, and He began to heal me differently. Without asking, He did such deep inner healing in me. I very quickly came to terms with the fact that I didn’t even care about the diseases anymore! I mean I did, but just not obsessed with it like I had been for so long.

I was so content with my physical state that I felt like He was even healing my body. My symptoms were starting to dissipate, my bloodwork was getting better, I thought everything had changed! And then one day in August 2024 I got the phone call that split my life into before and after. Cancer. The weird lumps I had for over two years, the very tiny percentage of chances, was indeed cancer. Again, I laughed! Because now, being at the scariest place my health issues could have gotten to, at the age of 39, with a husband and three small children, I knew the God I served. I knew anything was possible with Him. I knew in my bones this would not take me out and MY God was about to show up in it all. 

What happened after that is a grand story for another time that I look forward to telling. 

What I want to share now is this. No matter what happens in life, we have the choice. We can walk the path in our own way and muscle through it, or we can walk with Jesus and overcome anything that comes our way. Nothing is ever what it seems at first. There is always a deeper meaning, reasoning, connection we are to embrace along the way. When prayers aren’t answered don’t turn from God, sprint to Him. Be honest with Him, even if you’re angry! He already knows what we are feeling and thinking, might as well get it out and be honest. 

What happened that summer day in 2023 opened the door to my heart to share with God absolutely everything that was going through my mind and soul. He knew how frustrated I was, but He couldn’t do anything about it until I brought it directly to Him. Once I got to know Him, I began to trust Him. Once I trusted Him, I began to bring every part of me to Him. Once I did that, He began to pull the roots out of my heart and fill it with more of Himself. Everything changed and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I hate chronic illness and cancer, especially any type of treatment for either. It’s not fun! But I don’t hate what they led me to. I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for the courage it took to keep going back to Jesus. I’m grateful for the way He changed how I saw everything and everyone around me. I’m grateful for you, the reader of this article. The one that is deeper in the weeds than they could have ever imagined, feeling like you’re looking for a needle in a haystack. Please don’t turn from Him. Run as fast as you can towards Him. He is waiting patiently for you. His eyes are fixed on you, and He longs for you to come so close to Him that it feels like His presence is nose to nose. He loves you and He cares for you. He hasn’t left you; He is simply just waiting for you.