The Chains of Unforgiveness
There is a woman - her name is Sally. She is a dedicated mother, wife and friend. Sally goes about her daily duties of cleaning her house, making meals for her family, caring for her pets. But as Sally vacuums the living room and dusts the old piano, she has to keep readjusting. You see, Sally is carrying around about 60 extra pounds. These are not the extra pounds that could come off with a good diet and exercise. These are 60 extra pounds that coil around her, sometimes slip off her shoulders or fall and crunch her big toe. This extra weight is made of a thick heavy chain. Each link is thick and weighty in its own right. It causes her to slow down from her daily life because she has to constantly think about the placement of each link. Imagine living like Sally. You may. Because each one of Sally’s chains were created by a hurt that Sally carries, unable to forgive the hurt and unlink the chain. So she carries it- to the pick up line, to the grocery store, her shoulders have begun to hunch a little from the weight of the chain.
Unforgiveness. It is an easy place to find ourselves. A bully on the playground, a harsh word from a friend, a flippant remark by a spouse or abuse from a parent. All of these hurts we carry like a chain around us when we choose not to forgive.
Colossians 3:13 says,
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Yes, the Bible says to forgive as we have been forgiven. Science agrees.
While the Bible may focus on the relief of the soul, modern medicine and psychology have spent decades proving that resentment is a physical burden as much as an emotional one.
Research consistently shows that chronic unforgiveness keeps the body in a state of "fight or flight," acting like poison on your systems.
In Alaska Behavioral Health, MaryBeth Goodman writes, “... your brain treats unresolved resentment like an ongoing threat. You’re stuck in fight-or-flight mode even when the person who hurt you isn’t around. You become “a little irrational”—and it’s exhausting.” She goes on to write “The physical toll is real too. Chronic resentment elevates your heart rate, increases cortisol production (the stress hormone), and has been linked to worse outcomes for diabetes, heart disease, chronic pain, sleep problems, and more.”
Furthermore, resentment and rumination over past hurts compounds the heavy toll that unforgiveness brings. Two experts in the field, Gill Straker and Jacqui Winship detailed this problem in their article “Breaking free from resentment: the hidden cost of revenge and the healing power of forgiveness”. They write,
“The hazards of prolonged resentment are manifold. Beyond depression and rumination, an inability to “let go” keeps the nervous system in a state of hyperarousal, mirroring post-traumatic stress patterns. Chronic hostility has been linked to hypertension, cardiovascular risk and a weakened immune system.” Psychologists often describe resentment as a form of mental rumination—the "broken record" in your head that keeps the trauma alive. Nelson Mandella’s famous quote, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies” is true no matter how you slice it. Unforgiveness makes you sick. God didn’t just command us to forgive out of obligation—He commanded it because He knew our bodies and minds would break under the weight of bitterness.
Whether your hurt is large or small, Christ calls us to lay our burdens down. Ephesians 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
You may say, “But you don't understand how bad the hurt was!” or “but they keep hurting me!” or “what about justice?” But Christ says in Isaiah 53:4, "Surely He (Christ) took up our pain and bore our suffering..." Similarly, Colossians 2:14 says, "...having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross." When we "leave it at the cross," we are practicing truth in our Heavenly Father to carry it for us. You do not have to be the one to fix everything or carry the burden of resentment that weighs you down—you can simply hand it over and walk away lighter. 1 Peter 5:7 calls us to "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Casting is active, we are to take each link and place it before the cross. Each hurt, each sting, place it before the cross. It is not yours to carry. We do not carry the burden of “justice” because Jesus already did. When we unlink ourselves from that chain, place it down, we aren't saying the hurt didn't matter; we are saying it’s no longer ours to manage.
And in return, Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me... for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." With that lighter load we can now fully praise God for the debt that we have been forgiven.
Not shockingly, research is revealing what the Bible has told us for millenia. While resentment leads to numerous physical and mental challenges, forgiveness can rewire the brain and lead to healing! In an article from VeroNews.com, “‘Forgiveness’ study: Letting go of hurt helps mental health” by Jackie Holfelder explains, “A new Harvard-led study builds on earlier research suggesting forgiveness boosts our mental wellbeing by reducing anxiety and depression, which adds to other recent evidence that it can also ease stress, improve sleep, and lower blood pressure and heart rate.”
“When you engage in genuine forgiveness:
Your prefrontal cortex shifts from reactive to intentional thought
Prefrontal cortex activity increases while amygdala activation decreases
Your heart rate lowers
Cortisol production drops
Research has documented remarkable benefits of forgiveness…”
Marybeth Good, Alaska Behavioral Health
What are you carrying today that was never yours to bear?
Psalm 55:22, "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Is there a specific name or memory that causes your shoulders to tense when you think of it? Take the chains off and lay them where they belong. They are not yours to bear, and then - "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." (Psalm 68:19)